Sin

It is easy to fall down, most of the time you don't expect it or even want it but it dose happen. Getting up is the painful part its when you realize how hurt you, are the embaresment of knowing everyone just saw you fall, but unlike falling, getting up can be less painful if someone is there to talk to you and tell you its okay. No one likes to fall, and no one wants to realize how hurt they really are, but if you don't get up you can never move forward.

You are here!!

Lately it seems like my time on this Earth is so limited. God says he is going to come like a thief in the night, and sometimes it seems like I am just living for the future, when I am a Midwife, when I get married, when I have children. However, in living for the future I am missing out on the now. Right now I have an amazing job that I love so much, I be single and I don’t have to get caught up in the process of dating, and I have an amazing little sister, and 30 kindergarteners that I get to see every week. I know I am still young but it just seems like my life has already gone by so fast, and I don’t want to live for my goals and miss out on all the joys in between. In the bible it says no one is guaranteed tomorrow, so to me that screams, live now!! Don’t wait for tomorrow, if it may never come. Right now I could be talking to people about the most amazing person in my life, Jesus. I could be sharing a smile with someone who had an awful day. I just want to be a person who is here, not a person who is consumed with school and work that I don’t spend time investing in people and relationships with family and friends or forgetting to recognize and be truly thankful for my abundant blessings right now. I just wanted to write this to everyone who is reading, YOU ARE HERE!!!! Don’t halt things right now in preparation for the future, live every day like your last, live it for Jesus and live it happy!

What you are

So I have been told two things this week that were not meant to hurt my feelings, but really did and the source of them, kind of made it hurt even more. First of all let me start by saying that when I was little, I was always make fun of for being a “chubby girl” in elementary school, middle school and by my brothers all the time, I have always had some body image issues from that. Earlier this week my dad’s girlfriend told me not trying to be mean, but she said " You need to eat real food you can’t just eat salad all the time, you are never going to be a size zero, you are a good size now, and you are healthy" well of course the only thing to me, that stuck out was the "your never going to be a size zero", and for me as the "chubby girl" it really hurt my feelings. I don't want to be a size zero, but its hurtful for someone to tell me that my body does not have the capability of ever being a zero. This is the other thing that someone told me "Anastasia I can’t wait till you have a boyfriend and get married you are going to be the cutest girlfriend and wife ever, sending little notes, and doing the sweetest things. I can picture you with someone who is so nice and loves the lord but is not that attractive" WHAT!!! I thought to myself as I heard the last sentence come out. Now I truly do find hearts more attractive than any physical attribute, and a love for the lord is the most attractive thing that someone could possibly possess. However, when I heard this I just thought, why on earth would she say that? Am I not pretty? Would someone attractive ever like me? I was really hurt. Now that I have thought about both of these for a few days, and I have made a valuable discovery. My discovery came from a children's book, in the words of Dr. Seuss, "Today you are you! That is truer then true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" I love this I am who I am, there is no one else like me in the whole world, God made me Unique, and Great. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in all of the negative things about you. and completely forget about all of the wonderful things that make you, you. Maybe I will never be a size Zero, but I would rather be a beautiful person on the inside, then be beautiful on the outside with an ugly inside. I am with me more than anyone else, and if I don't like who I am on the inside then what is the point of having a beautiful surface. There are so many things on earth that don't make sense if there is nothing inside, for example I am sure you have seen the shadow boxes with the dead butterflies. Well you can look at one of those and think wow that is really pretty but then you see a real butterfly dancing through the sky and it can take your breath away. Even a car if it is beautiful on the outside but you turn it on and it sounds like a dirt bike and the engine is broken well then it really is worthless. So I would much rather be beautiful on the inside first! As for having a boyfriend/husband who is not attractive, I know when the time comes that it will not matter what he looks like, because his inside is going to be beautiful! Beauty on the outside fades but I want a true love, someone who knows how to love me because they first loved God, and who is going to treat me the way I should be treated, and no matter what anyone thinks I know that I will find him to be the most attractive man alive, because God knows what I need in a husband one day and he will create all that I need to be the wife he has created me to be. So all this to say, Be YOU! "Today you are you! That is Truer than True! There is no one alive who is you-er than you" be yourself, and be it proud, don't strive to be just like someone else, be the best possible you that you can be! :-)

The Start

So i have been considering starting this for a while, you see i have this amazing ability to forget pretty much everything that happens in my life so i figure, why not blog?
  Basically this is just going to be about my life and the crazy, amazing, life-changing and funny things that happen in my life. I am not going to hold back anything but maybe a couple names here and there for privacy. So a little about me, first of all i love Jesus!!! When i was 14 my parents had just filed a divorce for the fourth time, my dad had a baby with a woman i had only met once, and I was pretty much left alone with my two brothers all the time. I could have gotten into some horrible things but for some reason something always did not feel right when the choices were presented. That year of craziness, on March 24 i went on a retreat with my church I don't know why but it sounded really interesting. There was a man talking about how much Jesus loved me and no matter what happens he will never leave me. I found so much comfort in those words coming from a broken home, i instantly started crying uncontrollably with joy and overwhelming peace and ever since then i have been completely in love with a God who loves me no matter what, who will never leave me, and who died a painful, horrible death just for my sins. Another thing about myself is I love children I teach a Kindergarten class at my church and am pretty much glued to my three year old baby sister at the hip (not the baby from the woman i only met once that is my little brother who is 5). I am going to school to become a Midwife, and hope to some day be a missionary Nurse-midwife. I hope to have fun and entertaining posts that may also be helpful and insightful to your personal life.